i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
