I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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