I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
