That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
