she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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