i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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