BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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