The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
