She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
