sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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