I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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