at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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