She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
