we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
