So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
