dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
