I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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