If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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