Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
We just shotgunned beers for America
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
