I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I want to be your penis for a week.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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