pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
