then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
