my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
