Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
