I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
