im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
