I think scott just propositioned me for sex
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
