Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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