who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
