Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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