Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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