I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Randomize
