He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
