Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
