I should be sponsored by Trojan
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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