All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
