How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
