I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
