I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Welp...herpes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
