Who did Billy Mays play for?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
