im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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