Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
