I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
