he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
