I wish I could teleport
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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