...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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