Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
