I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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