I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
