Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
