I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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