Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
