Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
