I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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